Tuesday, July 11, 2006
|11:58 PM|
After 5 months, I have a new blog. Struggled to find a suitable blogskin. It seems that pretty much nothing shows who exactly I am right now. Amidst all I am doing, it is very easy to forget who I am. What exactly is my identity? I am no longer the slacker I was, yet I don't feel that I am working hard enough. I am even more reserved about who I am than before, focusing on doing. The dreamer remains, as do the beliefs. But dare I really bare myself once again?
This new name sticks well. Haha.. Josh. My thanks to the friends at Just Media who gave me this name. It seems so... appropriate. For some reason. A singular syllable, a singular entity. But not a singular purpose, or a singular passion. The trap sprung. And I do admit that I was wrong. If entrepreneurship was about business and money alone, there is really no point in living, even if I do succeed. Instead, the more I engage in, the more I want to indulge in. CCAs... I had planned for only 3. But now, I have something like 14 CCAs. I had planned to focus my time on studying... but never did I expect to spend it all on projects.
Time holds no meaning for me. Time has become decisions, emotions, passions. I used to be a thinker, analyse, analyse till paralysed. Now, I'm a doer. In every sense of the word. I sometimes do so much I fail to think. In that sense, I have certainly lost myself. Is that an improvement? Time will tell.
Why I decided to blog again. I am getting very forgetful. Despite the trials and challenges I face, I want to be able to remember. Recall. Relive. Relieve. I have so many identities, so many duties, so many things that I am doing, need to do, and want to do. I want to record these down, that I may find hope, that I may find my moments of joy, the bliss of satisfaction, the agony of failure, the pain of lacking..... that I may learn.
Much of my life used to focus on "why". Now, it is focused on "how". I am no leader. If I am, then I lead by example alone. I totally ackowledge my failure in this. A leader needs time for his people, a leader needs to have the vision for the team. My vision is there. But it is not conveyed to the team. My time is not there... Rarely do I have the time for the team. The only people I am able to lead are proactive, intelligent and ambitious individuals. That is the simple truth. I was blessed to have that team whilst working. Are my requirements too high? Debatable. But if someone doesn't remind and prompt me, I end up being caught up by other activities. Proactive people are constant reminders. I need intelligent people... else how do I delegate, and receive work of standards surpassing my own? I need them to be ambitious, that they may understand my vision and add on to it.
I got the NP Scholarship. 2 interviews. I am grateful to Ngee Ann for it. Not for the money. But for the motivation it gives me, that they believe I am on the right track. I shall do my utmost to show them that not only have they made the right choice, they have made an inspired choice. I would also like to thank my 14 CCAs: Leo Club, Rotaract Club, NYAA Chapter, NAPFA Society, Young Entrepreneurs Network, SIFE (Students In Free Entreprise), SPIN@BA Investment, SPIN@BA Detectives, French Club, Library Ambassadors, E-Gaming Club, Food Interest Network, Toastmasters, and Chess Club for giving me so many opportunities. Having 25 points at this point in time is absolutely wonderful. And more is to come. :D I am also grateful to my tutors, each and every single one of them, for having tolerated some of my more absurd questions (I really want to learn!) and for being so patient with me. I sincerely hope that my results thus far and in the future has not and will not let them down!
I have set myself new targets, new goals. I think it is time to stop joining CCAs, and change to starting one. It will test my management and organisational skills to the max, because of the limited time I have. For my academic target, I will retain the NP Scholarship next year. And of course, CCA Points target: 100 in 1 Year. Leadership position has been clinched, so all I need is the points. Then, I shall move on to write a new business proposal, and lodge it with Entrepreneurs-Connect through the EnterpriZe Scheme.
Learn. Achieve. Dream. Believe. Dare. Do.
It is time to put that nonsense of procrastination away. I will be starting on my programmes and books. Time shall not be an excuse, for as someone once said, "The fact that you have no time is exactly why you need those books!" Should I have the time, I think it is time to pop back at Just Media and ED to say hi.
Too many things to talk about. It has been months afterall. And I'm back to my old habit of taking incredible amounts of time writing. At this rate, I shall never get anything done.
Highlights: My eye opened up (having an eye infection)
WCOM Individual Assignment (20%, OMG!!)
MAEC Consultation (Frankly speaking, it didn't teach me much, except that I have to remember about the Great Depression when comparing Classical theory to Keynesian theory.
And I would like to slam MAEC here. With 5 schools of thought, all of them supposedly valid, and many indications that Keynesian doesn't hold (stagflation, which we learnt in topic 4, is an obvious dilemma for it), I wonder what the school is thinking of. Maybe I will get to use this knowledge for IEF next year. And I will get into it. There is absolutely no reason I can't. :D (Self-hypnosis rulez)
A boy was walking down the road one day. To his left was the ice-cream man. To his left was the sausage man. Right in front was a library. A boy ran past him to the ice-cream man. Another boy inched past him to the sausage man. Yet another boy with thick specs marched into the library, carrying a stack of books. The boy looked left, looked right, looked ahead.....
Remembering what life is.....
+ + +
