Seized by a sudden urge to blog. Dunno what's wrong with me. Haha. Maybe sleep is making me feel better.... My way of thinking seems to be changing all the time nowadays, although the end remains the same, the track is ever-changing.... is this maturity or inmaturity. Only time can tell I guess. Or maybe I've become lazier...

I will never ever bog up my time with an activity every single day of the week again. It may sound glamarous, but what is living life like that? I do not need the CCA Points. I need time to evolve, learn, grow, and plan to take action. Constant action nearly killed me. My falling sick probably is something that would have happened sooner or later. That track may lead me to become a legend, but of what use is an empty legend, draining away my very life? There are many other things to live for. I hope that those on the same path, whether I've been an influence, to not follow in my steps and overkill.

Some people think that my life must be easy. They believe in intelligence, in talent, and that they do not have the capability to achieve outstanding results. Forgive me if I sound blunt, but that's bullshit. Being in many CCAs, and also able to score well? How many smart people are there around? It is not just a matter of intelligence. Looking at CCAs, there are people who have tons of activities as well. Balancing both requires more than talent. Argue all you want, but to be honest, I think my talent is no more than anyone else. I think that Jackson, Kenny, Kelvin, Li Zhen, Kai Shin, Roxanne, and a few others are no less capable than me, if not more. Was it fun? Yes, for a time. Is it fun now? To a certain extent, but the lethargy drains me, affecting more than the work i produce.

I have already decided to break away from most CCAs. Maybe you would think that it is a rash decision, since I have the potential of getting several leadership positions. But so what? CCA Points? Cramming myself with so much work I nearly die? God knows how much I miss the days of learning, seeking out mentors, visiting seminars, and all. To have the chance to read, learn, and apply all the information that I have would be a far more valuable investment of my time. My commitment stays the same though- I will remain in SIFE, and do my best for it! Next, those who want my help, always feel free to approach me. If it's for CCA, as long as I think it is for something worthwhile, I will gladly help you out. (no need for the CCA Points anymore) My name has become studies + cca points... and while I am going to continue to aim for excellence in studies, I think being labelled as CCA Point chionger is stupid. I just regard it as a game of numbers. It was overkill, but I think that it has been worth it till now.

What I need to improve on- becoming a team player, and becoming a great leader. In terms of personal excellence and commitment when I'm on the field of play, I think I have shown some remarkable achievement. But it's time to move on to a greater stage, and lead teams to produce even greater results than I myself can. Not only is it a vital skill, but I'm not happy with the way I go for the "star player" role. The star player can make an impact on the game, but it takes a team to win it. By assuming that role too easily, and abandoning the true job of a leader, the battle is won, but the war is lost. To me, that is totally unacceptable when I think about it. Haiz. Been slamming myself for that, but it's gonna be a hard habit to break... that role is too easy to assume.. Especially with what I have already learnt about business...

Been wishing I can take a week's break from school. Have a real holiday, maybe go M'sia walk and shop, or go tour around sg (not that there's much to it). Then I come back to school refreshed, hyped up, back to the energetic me from before. Of course, that not gonna happen, but it's a man's right to dream. Haha. With so much work to do, when will that ever happen? After common test perhaps? But that's 5-6 weeks from now??! Gosh.... Maybe its time to let go. And as Jason said, let fate decide. Maybe something good will come out of it all?

Many more things to talk about, but I will leave them for the next post. Gonna come up with some concrete plans... The restructuring of Josh- story from beginning to end (part 1)

Remembering what life is.....
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