And on Christmas Eve, I am struck by many feelings. Went on a trek to see how the businesses do during this period of time. In truth though, it was a journey to find myself once again. As much peace and joy as I have obtained, as long as the barriers are not broken, then I still cannot reach that level. To do that, I sought balance. To let my passion for business take up the balance... And it did work to a certain extent. If only I had more courage to smash past it all... when the challenges are not a matter of ability but a matter of spirit, it is a whole new game. Faced with so many problems of so many people, for the first time, I feel so helpless. If I cant even resolve my own, how do I aid others? The line between right and wrong for me has ever been blurred... I will see how things go... At least, I found out one thing today. I am someone who can take it up, and let go as needed. Except for that one factor, I am ready.

I would talk about the trek, but there isnt much to say. Much went as expected. Saw many many people whom knew me. Well, NP flooded the streets. Sianz. Today, there is so much to blog about, but a lot of stuff that is too private to show the world. Many concern others, else I would speak out. What to say? That I am a fool? That I am lost? Or that I am grateful? Or that I am both happy and sad? I have the feeling I will lose this game. My instincts hardly prove wrong. Haha. Although I may lose the game, but it may yet help me win the war. Life is just too unpredictable. Onward Josh... onwards... there is no other path, for all have been severed by who you are... Forgive me... But when will I forgive myself? Now I understand why enlightenment is so hard. We can see a trap and fall into it willingly. Compared to the pure enjoyment of life, what is enlightenment? But who knows whether those who are enlightened enjoy the pleasures of life more than us? What is the right path? This time, I know not even what serves and what doesn't.

By the way, the above post is just a post by the confused me. I think I've been reading and thinking far too much. Yet, what to do? Bah bah black sheep, have you any wool... maybe that is the best path to go... All the way to IMH... LOL!! Relax guys, Josh is Josh in the end, and will come up more than unscathed. If only people were quantifiable variables... but that would take the fun outta life. BAH!!

Remembering what life is.....
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