How wonderful. How fascinating. How amazing. How tiring. How the days have gone by. At this moment, the song "Colours of the Wind" is playing in my mind. A time for reflections. A time for regrets. A time for repentance. A time to reap the rewards. A time to recognise the results. And yea, a time of rain. Lol. And today, on the very last day of the year, I doubt that I will sleep. Despite what Kenny said, and despite my agreeing with him to live your day as though it is your last day, today for me is a date of significance. It lacks the feel of the previous years. Probably because of my academic calendar. But that doesnt diminish its importance. If anything, maybe being able to be a bit more removed may allow me to ascend to a new level.

Time flies. The year has past by in a flash. How keen the memories. How sweet the victories. How bitter the defeats. Last year this time, I was working at Just Media. How I miss that experience. January, I was looking into business development over marketing. A start of a new journey. February, I got my O Level results, rushed to NP, and submitted my application for Business Studies. March, I visited the last few seminars I would for the year, as my time spun out of my control. April, I began on my academic path oncemore, beginning with Sports Camp and FOC. May, I had to endure whatever negative things people thought about me in order to achieve the results I wanted. June, I did well for Common Test, was on track for CCA Points target, and received positive news for my scholarship application. July, eye infection and project pressure. August, exams, meeting the director of BA, and having a workshop with my fellow scholars. September, I concluded that I needed to shift my track for CCAs, and had something close to my first burnout. October, I began to explore a side of myself I've been neglecting in my pursuit for achievement, as well as participated in the IVP for Chinese Chess, in which we got second. November, I achieved my goal of topping my cohort, and at the same time, was discovering that my relationship with some people had started to change unwittingly. December, I was distracted, committed the most number of slip-ups ever, acknowledged that I had fallen in love, while also having the time of my life.

I achieved 8 of the 10 goals I set last year. So yea, I'm gonna tell myself here "Josh, I'm proud of you, but you can do better! :D" Admidst all these achievements though, there have been multiple sad stories left in their wake... and here I am to say sorry. Many of them won't hear it, but I truly am sorry. To Azhar and co., for not having caught up with you guys as I promised. To Jimmy and Mike, I am so sorry to disappoint both of you, but I guess I am not ready. To those people whom were disappointed with me in my CCAs for various reasons... especially to Arthur, I am sorry for having to make those excuses. Excuses they are, for I have nothing else to defend myself with. I was over-reaching, and I paid and am paying the price for it. To Ziwei for not having been there as I hoped I would. To my class for probably having been overbearing at times. To my project mates for the little time I have for meetings. To my tutors for assignments incompleted. To the lecturers for skipping the lectures. To Jackson, for not showing the care and concern you need. To Kelvin, for being unable to alleviate your loneliness. To Jason, for not being able to be there, as I know you hoped I would. To *****( just in case :P)... for not daring to tell you I like you. Haiz.

The list spans on. Sorry for missing out on you if you think your name should be there. As you guys can see, for all that I have managed to get under my belt, there has been many failures, disappointments, and regrets. So many in fact, that I am so tired of it all. I remain far from who I want to be. And the greatest lesson this year I truly appreciate now- A man is what he makes of himself. Not his achievements and his goals. But his character. May my failures from this year not haunt me, but instead serve as powerful reminders in my molding as a talent. If you consider it from this angle, those of you who believe me to be "damn pro" or however you want to term it, will realise that there is not much difference between us. People overestimate my intelligence and ability. But they underestimate my potential and drive. Then again, many people underestimate their own potential as well as that of others. Even me.

If I could choose one month to take with me though, it will be December. This month, I got seriously distracted. And this is a powerful lesson to me. I thought that I would always be in control. But nope, I was totally off. One of the failings of youth. This month, I made slip-ups when I shouldnt have, during the Common Test. That may yet serve as a source of motivation for me to put in even more effort for the coming weeks though. If I fall because of that though, then it will serve as yet another powerful lesson. A lesson which is invaluable. It is easy to slip up because of something relatively minor, and regret it for a long time to come. It will make me think before I fall into the same trap again. This month, my brainchild, the project for Leo Club, finally kicked off with Leo Factor, and I am proud of all my fellow Leo Club members who've been there with me to do it. Kudos to CK!! This month, I fell victim to pressure. Pressure which has spurred me on in the past. Thanks for the lesson... knowing that there are limits to what I can yet do or take. This month, I got to know new friends, as well as know some old ones better, though there be some whom seem to drift further. And yah, this month, I realised that I had fallen in love. I guess I don't need to elaborate on the feelings here, think most of you should have experienced the same, as well as the conflicts in the mind that spring from it. But I wouldnt have had it any other way. Indeed, I was intoxicated by it, and allowed my own distraction. Whether it be blessing or bane, I know not, but it has given me great joy, and I feel all the more grateful to everyone.

According to the lunar calendar, I belong to the year of the dragon. As such, this year wasn't supposed to be a good year, while the coming one is. I dunno how you guys feel, but if this year is supposed to be bad, imagine how good the coming one will be for me. Hahaha... Looking at the characteristics of the dragon and the snake, it is not hard to figure out that I really am more like a dragon child. God bless. Lol. My birthday within 17 days. As that day looms closer, I have to answer two rather important questions. Firstly, what is the value of my life? Secondly, what is my purpose in life? Being 18 is a landmark. Since it is an age by which people are supposed to be more matured, I better start acting like it. Lol. One thing I have learnt... respect. Even if others don't, if you believe enough in one thing, give it enough respect. Like punctuality. :D

Let the reflections pass. Haha. And look ahead into the future. What do I see? Crossroads. Challenges abound. Criss-crossing of paths. Most importantly, I see hope. Hope for a better future, advancement year after year, and me coming into my own power. To fully revel in being who I am... that would be fun. And to mold myself into someone whom is more like who I aspire to be. I see juniors coming in, and I hope to help shape some of their paths as mine was shaped. I see competitions, I see results. If only I can see her within that vision as well... but that is not up to me. Oh well... my brain is revved up, so I have two autopilot softwares running in my brain right now. Is that the best I can do? Can I exude even more control? And should I? Questions... where are the answers... where has my solution-orientation gone to? Not gone with the wind, only blind when it comes to such matters.

Top 10 GOALS for 2007

1. Top my cohort (once again)
2. Represent NP for competitions (at least 5)
3. Reduce CCA Involvement (Only 4 CCAs at the max)
4. Get more involved in youth activities on nation-wide scale (Central CDC, Hi-5 Youths)
5. Clinch scholarship for Year 2007/2008
6. Build a team capable of challenging for top honours in the challenges we take up
7. Set KPIs for myself, and give myself weekly reviews
8. Learn to lead so that team members are satisfied, motivated and accomplish the work.
9. To meet 90% of all duties expected of me, which are to be clarified beforehand.
10. :D (1 personal goal for myself... say easy not easy, say hard not hard)

There's a difference in the style of my goals eh. May refine them in the future. Lalala...

There are many other things that I have to do, but let's just leave it at this. Or shall I? :D This year, I sure also complete at least 5 audio courses that I have. So there. Starting tomorrow. I dun wanna drag too much, since there are people whom are probably dying from reading this post. So I shall give them a break for now. But if I feel like doing it later, there might be more updates! :P

Remembering what life is.....
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