Rare for me to make post after post, but since so many of you have read the previous post and queried... :D Just wanna say thanks to you guys.. Hahaha...

You guys should have a bit more faith in me though. I am josh. Since when am I down for long. Lol. And here you are, the josh that you know is back once again. How did that happen? You can say that there were 2 locks. I opened up one, but didn't have the courage to act on the second. But that second lock alone is not enough to drive me to that kind of distraction by itself. Will it affect me? Only time will tell. But right now, I am Josh. And that should be enough for you guys yea... Hahaha... Kinda regret not having put in my best effort for the common test. But that will only spur me for the finals. So don't write me out of the race yet (as if anyone would yea ;D) Frances talked about me fearing rejection over failure. As I told her, to me, there is little difference between the two, though to some extent, she is right. As it stands now, in my journey to overcome fear and achieve, I've managed to wind up with fears greater than I imagined. I fear losing what I have, and that will affect performance. I fear losing out, because I hate losing, especially when I've experienced the joy of winning. I don't really fear the rejection, for that day when I find the courage, I will be totally victorious, just in a different way than if I were accepted. What do I mean? :D If I can find the courage and let my feelings out, then I will have gained an important victory over myself, and step up on the path to becoming the person I wish to be. In that context, rejection may dent me for awhile, but for the long run, it will just mean that josh is josh. And if I am accepted, then joy beyond joy of course. Do I really lose? Depends on how you look at it maybe. But I am satisfied with that course of thinking.

If I want to be a legend, then like any of them, I will have to face the trials and tribulations to mold me into becoming someone capable of reaping that destiny. I will have to let who I really am shine out, and use those defining qualities to not just overcome the opposition, but let the competition respect, even revere me. It may seem like a small test, but to me, few tests remain small now. All are indications of who I am. The tiniest decisions could have a major impact on me, and there is never a better time than now to pick up the art of decision making. What are my values and beliefs? How do I make sure these qualities define who I am in all aspects of life? These are some of the questions I have to answer. Oh, as for those whom were wondering what my nick meant... let's say that I wanted to do something, and had already resolved to do it. At the very instant I started on it, I didn't follow it to the end, but I had already broken past the first lock- myself. I used a strategy that I didn't follow through on to achieve the end that I wanted. Hahaha. Does that make me weak? Maybe. But I am only human afterall. So very unjosh-like, I know...

I have the feeling I have reached a higher level than before because of this experience. And I am so grateful to her for making it happen. I don't know how things will turn out in the end, but I do know I have become a better person for it. I have reached a new level of calm, and at times, a stage where right and wrong blurs, where that which exists is all those that either serve or doesn't. I have experienced emotions I never did before, which will help me to control my buried passions. I may be able to understand others a bit better now. And most importantly, I have learnt to let go. That does not mean that I have lost my competitive spirit, it just means that... dunno how to explain. But sometimes, things don't need explanations. Its like going for a roller coaster ride. And I do feel a bit like I did when I had my first roller coaster ride. Hahaha...

Remembering what life is.....
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