How interesting life is. And how cruel the fates. Dreams are abound, yet for many, there be only 1 who's gonna get it. Especially the position of no.1. You could say that life is a journey and not a destination, but when you think about it, does it truly matter? Your journey will bring you to a destination. The question is, are you satisfied with it? In my journey to be no.1, there be others on the same path as well. If I win, is it fair to have their hopes shattered? And if I shall fail, what a blow that would be to me...

And there be so many distractions, if that be truly what they are. And I havent even looked at limitations yet. Injuries. Being worn down emotionally. When the answers are right in front of you, but you refuse to acknowledge because you fear to face who you are, that is truly sad... I hope that I've finally broken pass that barrier. I used to think I needed a resolution before I could get myself back in the game. But either due to luck, effort, encouragement, and very likely a combination of all, I think I'm there now. These past weeks have been nothing short of a epiphany in the making for me. They've reminded me of how good I can be should I choose to. They've shown me that Josh is stronger than he thought he was. :D And that many opportunities lay ahead yet. And that there is so much to live for in life... the loneliness doesnt matter sometimes I guess... haiz...

Updates. OCOM final paper 31/40. Not even an A. OMG!! But I'm still ok with it. Cos after the paper, my aim was 30. CIP- As for every single thing until now. Assignment 1, CT, PBL (all 3 sections :P). MIEC article submitted. Working on OB presentation. Revision starts from tomorrow. Given half the chance, I have the skill to smash pass challenges. Lol. Goal --> strategy --> action. Hasn't let me down when its called for. I'm also preparing for ever greater things... Hahaha...

Chatted with someone. Since I'm not sure if she would mind if I post it here, I think I shouldnt. Gonna say what I think about it though. Haha. Recognition from family and relatives... I think I understand that... Being the eldest son from my maternal side of the family is such a pressure, when all the others have done so well. One went RI --> RJC --> MIT!! (On govt scholarship.. -.-). Another one is at HCI now. My female cousins have done quite well also, grads from NP with amazing grades, and both went on to uni. The other female cousin also going uni from As now, and she was at RI. Haiz. Sometimes, wanting your effort to be recognised is totally understandable, if uncalled for. Now that I've finally managed to prove myself a bit, at least the pressure is lesser. As for being smart in a way nobody appreciates, that's not really true. I think I appreciate it, as do the other people we know. Recognition will come one day!! Haha. I know the feeling very well really. Not getting the recognition you want.... maybe that has shaped itself in my character.. lemme see, in the form of arrogance? Haha. One thing I disagree though is to inflict pain back. Yes, I once felt the same way too. But as I grew, I realised that truly, no one can make me feel something unless I permit them to. In order to achieve those results, you gotta take control of your own life. You've gotta be responsible for yourself. And your feelings. As for anger being a driving force, I understand that too. Anger and wounding of pride led me down this path too, but as I learnt, its really hard to keep that anger. Motivation by inspiration, not desparation, is what serves me, and everyone best I think. Of course, after saying so much, its your own opinion that counts...

Its amazing really. I'm actually in a state I never thought I would be. There remain things to be sorted out yet, but I'm confident of reaching that breakthrough point soon. To once again experience the euphoria of peak performance? :D I need my rest, need to let the music empower me, let my focus drive me through, let the energy suffuse me, and let my mind soar to new heights... within 2 weeks. Then I can truly say I did my best without any regrets... not like last semester...

In conclusion... Dream, Believe, Dare, Do.

Remembering what life is.....
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