I know its been freaking long since I posted, but its not as though I didn't try. I've deleted like 5 posts before this. But this one's gonna go up. Somehow. Lol. Been using it like a diary for dumping all the unhappy stuff, so no wonder yeah. Cos I know dang well its not those stuff that I want to remember. So let me see... I shall not really elaborate too much on Serve China. Long story short, the trip has really changed me. How exactly, I'm not sure. But I bet I'm not the only person who feels that way. And I'm sure that others have noticed the change too. Basically, on the trip, I resolved not to use my poor brain too much, so I kinda tried to evade any direct responsibility, though I cant really help thinking. Haha. I love the kids so much. Kang Ning for one.. though Hao Hao and Yuan Yuan are both so cute too... It was a relief to just let go of my responsibilities I suppose. I enjoyed my time with the kids... simplicity has its own joy... just simply enter their world, and be submerged by the waters of their imagination and ideals... For a time, I didn't need to worry about my goals, my friends, my life or anything. Just make sure that the kids have fun. Brought my harmonica and had fun playing it for quite a bit of time. So glad I did so. My skill has undoubtedly deteriorated, but as long as the children love it, its fine with me I guess. Too bad my harmonica was kinda soft compared to guitar... If someone else had a harmonica (and know how to play), it would have rocked!!

Let me see.. Kaishin was my mortal for the Angels & Mortal game. So I gave her tidbits every now and then. Lol. Hope she enjoyed it. Oh yea, also fell darn sick, though I hardly gave a care about that. I didn't go all the way there for community service in order to let any illness stop me. Though it did make me quite irritated... Throat was damn dry, and I had to drink loads of water after playing the harmonica... Thanks to Lizhen for all the water and tissue paper... Lol...

I'm gonna skip the part on shopping in Shanghai. And oh, don't bother asking me for pictures please. Didn't bother to bring camera along even. I'm just plain lazy. Lol. The old folk's home... How I wish I could communicate with the old folks. At the garden, I took it upon myself to sweep and clean the place up. Proud of myself for doing not too shoddy a job for that. Shouted at Jie Ming.. lmao, think my task-orientedness just happened to flare when I was irritated by all the people trodding dead leaves back onto the path, and Ding Zhi and Alvin making fun of (forget it) now and then. Got thank you cards for Mrs Koh, Mr Lim, Alvin, Tian Hao, Lizhen, and Kaishin. Would have gotten for more people, but the card was rather expensive.. and I had a hard time writing under the nose of Alvin (my room mate and buddy!). That about concluded the trip I guess.. I'm not one for leaving too long a memory, all I wish is that the lessons and joy will yet follow me down my path.

So after I came back to Singapore, I was swarmed with work. Literally. Think it made my cough worse. Gave my gift to her 1st day of bAoc. Hope she really likes it. Haha. Then I fell sick after that. As in really weak. So I was kinda forced to stay at home, slept through most of the days anyway. Had over 50 missed calls in 1 day. Omg! Freaking scary, since I dun exactly know who called (no caller ID). Missed out on worldview and the chess competition (dunno which 1 I would've gone for, maybe its fate the choice was taken outta my hands). Then... sch reopens...

Crashed daryl's OM lecture. Freaking boring. I was so bored I read about bleach while sitting in front. Went to leo booth, talk with people.. and lizhen can ask me why I cut my hair and never keep it longer, when Sg is so freaking hot... Image is important, but so is comfort. Lol. Waited for jackson, then we went to canteen 3 for lunch. Had hokkien mee. Loved it... Just cos its hokkien mee, the quality wasnt that good actually... XD Then went for FMGT lecture. I think I gonna love FMGT. 1st lecture was freaking easy... basically a revision of POA + common sense. And alamak, so many people already forgot that we already learnt it in POA... and when I shouted liability (it was a spur of the moment thing), I dunno how the heck they identified when my voice kinda changed cos of coughing madness, but heck. Haha. Went leo clubhouse, where I called Central CDC and waited for 20 mins straight!! Fell asleep at clubhse. Woke up then went with Jer, Kel, Jack, and Daryl to see Miss Leong. Not really sure why I was there, but at least I talked. Haha. Went for dinner with Kel and Daryl and had Hokkien Mee (proper 1 this time XD)!! Went home... was struggling not to sleep. Fell asleep about 1am.

Woke at 7, but was dead tired. Was searching for my results to photocopy. Crashed Daryl's AAA lecture. It was totally POA. Man, I'm so glad my POA skills still seem to be there. Basically only forgot the COGS template and the laws thing. But shouldn't take long to recall and revise (I hope). Lecturer was strict at first, but slackened later. Break time she approached us, I thought she was going to ask me where my notes were. Lol. After that we went for IEF lecture. I dun want to describe it here. But its pure ownage!! Really. I'm so glad I went. At least I know I have to start preparing to avoid getting slaughtered. Lol. We then went Toa Payoh to submit the forms. Then Kel and I took 153 back. Basically thats it till now...

So these are roughly the more eventful highlights... Without including my thoughts. Haha. I really felt like posting them in 1 of my drafts earlier, but I dun really want to piss anyone off. Especially since I dun really feel I'm involved anymore. So yea... (its a reference to more than 1 thing, so dun read too much into it). Then Kenny asked me if I was still bothered by the thing... to which I told him I'm no longer distracted and that's all anyone will need to know. Truth is, I don't know how to express it into words. I feel so inadequate, and so dumb... especially when it comes to certain matters. Let go? What is to let go? If I can truly let go of feelings, then I also won't be the person I am today. My passion for biz... one nice example. Many a times in life, we have to make decisions. I have no time yet. And I recognise that. So at least I can put it off. At least, let me stone when I have the time to stone. Right now, the priority is to CLEAR IT ALL. And make my way outta the sch stuff. Its been a repetitive experience for some time, and I need to be free of it all before I make my next step. Or maybe its an excuse for me to reject myself. But whatever the case is, I'm back. And I won't lose my focus this time. Because I know that all of them will want me to do my best, especially those whom I care about. To just get distracted over it will only let all of them down, and most importantly, truly make me unworthy to get there. Or maybe I'm deluding myself with ideals. I dun care, as long as it works....

The man running from EVERYTHING...
JOSH

Remembering what life is.....
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