This was not such a good day. I overslept. OMG. 9th day of school. Slept despite 4 alarm clocks and my mum trying to wake me. Good thing it was I&E. I saw no class participation in the grading scheme. Lol. Anyway, went school later, met Jer. Talked about many things. Now I have a new job. Lol. Though there were others who have raised their concerns too... I will do my best k. Just that... its becoming rather painful in a way. Is it worth it? Even for friends, maybe there are limits too... I'm like in overdrive mode too much. Lol. You know, that state of alertness that comes after u become totally drained... B4 u conk out all of a sudden. Lol.

Went to Orchard for the meeting. Walked about with Jer. Din find much to eat, so we headed to Mac to meet them. Went for dinner at LJS (Jer bought Subway) b4 we met Ms Leong, Yvonne, Ursula and co. at Mac for the meeting. After meeting was roughly officially over, I suddenly heard my name mentioned. Dunno what for. Then Ms Leong asked me to go over. Thought they had some questions for me or something. Turned out to be on database. Lol. Brings back memory of JM. But its been VERY LONG.. slightly more than a year since I've touched it. Then she said she heard I talked a lot yesterday. Isn't that like expected. Haha. I initiated the project, and no matter what happens, I have to take care of the people in it yea. Came home and had a bit more chance to relax than usual. Had many chat windows open. Lol. But was still doing work at same time of course. But today at least know I can finish part of it like around 2. So is still ok. Tutorial at 9 though. Not good.

Freaking sianz with some aspects of life. I know I am responsible for creating my own results, but then, when will someone come help me. Haha. Freaking tired. And lonely at times. Sometimes, they just don't understand. Maybe, I haven't given them a chance to. I just wonder... who the heck am I really. Getting so tired. Oh well... work for your dreams people. As long as you want it so badly you will put in your effort for it, people who can help you will come into your life. Dream, Believe, Dare, Do. Carpe Diem! And I thank the gods for bringing those people into my life. If only I can repay them all...

Update:

Just felt like updating... I just wanna say... Please be fair to others. I know I've made that mistake myself in the past before, but hopefully, I've grown up and is dealing better with it... Leaving others to clean ur mess is NEVER GOOD. Especially when they've done so much, then you waste their efforts... Haiz, now I know how they felt like. I'm so sorry to all the folks I've let down. Really sorry. I promise I will surpass myself this year. I will be 100% committed to whatever I do, no excuses. Just give me the time to adapt, and I will do it this time.

Haiz. I thought I could do it you know. Fresh in poly, after some experience working, confident in my ability to manage time, blah blah. The problems come in the word commitment. I used to think it was about potential. Now I know it isn't. It's about passion. And when ur passionate about something, its so different. Others cant understand it, unless they share the same passion u do. I was a freaking idiot. 17... Be thankful if you can manage 2 or 3. Haha. I'm already dying. And I'm dying to get back to the start... where I would never have volunteered to plan or be in committee. Getting the experience of just doing manual labour isn't such a bad thing, and I would never have created so many problems for others. And myself. How can someone who made such a mess be smart... I really was a freaking idiot. My only defense right now is... passion? I'm not joking when I say that I'm passionate for many many things... You cant really tell which is more acute, can you? Of course, that excuse doesn't cut it at all. Its not like others aren't passionate about it. And when you create a dent in their plans, its not nice at all..

Only when I am in their shoes do I really understand. Damn myself for all the mistakes I made. If only I have the chance to make it up, I swear I will. But right now, all I can do to make up for it is to say good bye and stop creating more problems. And here, I have to say good bye to the old me too. Good bye, you dreaming idiot. :D

Remembering what life is.....
+ + +