So stressed I'm freaking out. Not good. At all. Just now I saw Mrs Ng, she said I looked pale. Some people say my face green-white. Wtf. Err, totally not good. Got the feeling I'm falling sick too. I&E, i was just joking all the way. Think we pissed think Kaishin off. So sorry. I was taking the whole lesson as stress reliever. But wtf lah. How am I supposed to sleep more? Even if I sleeep more, then I still got a lot of work to do, then what's the difference? Rather uphold my 100% commitment promise. Even if its killing me.

Then Faith asked me go for her matchmaking session thing. And Mr Leslie was saying that we would obviously like to get to know more girls. I dunno, for me, I hardly have time to think about it. Pissed off at myself in a way too. Lol. But I can't help it. Not being who I am will hurt so much more. Ok, I really am getting crazy. I need a break. :S:S:S:S:S

Update

Hmm. Went for chess club training just now. Feel a bit better. But not much. I still have loads to do. Then still need to train. And my mind doesn't seem to be working. It sucks. I require so much rest now, it seems to make no difference how long I sleep le. DAMN. On the great side though, I'm all that much closer to reformatting and optimising my com. Thank goodness. What is it like to try to be a hero? What is it like to be a hero? What is it to be a hero? Is there a need to be a hero? Lol. Just some stupid things that popped into my brains. Hmm. Watched Bleach. There was this sentence that sprung at me - "What is your resolve?" And indeed, what is my resolve? In some things, I let go so easily, yet in others, more than my hand holds it tight, though it be costing me. Resolve alone is pointless. What is it that we hold a resolve for? Yet in the end, is there not a greater purpose that we reach for?

I once read that men (meaning males) do all they do to attract the partner they want. Meaning that it is the highest purpose behind many men. On some level, it seems kinda true. Money, fame, looks, whatever. Yet, there be many others who prove it wrong too. But when our testosterone level gets high, I suppose there be nothing to reject about that theory. What in truth is our drive then? How stupid is it that a person whom believes in higher ideals fall prey to such ludicrous temptations. In the end, who are we, but pawns? A slave to our passions even, when will the chains of fate binding us ever be unlocked? Pray tell me, that I may at last soar to the skies...


Remembering what life is.....
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