After such a long period of inactivity, I'm back to post. Haha. Many things have happened since I last updated. But too lazy to state all. Common test, CCA, Poly forum briefing... blah blah... Sibei sianz...

Very disappointed in myself. Lol. So so behind. Got the knowledge but not the motivation. Got the motivation but not the courage. Got the enthusiasm but not the responsibility. Bah. Like Mark Joyner puts it, I'm in an asylum surrounded by invisible mental and psychological walls. Its so stupid. Stuff I can do, but won't. Stuff I want to do, but dun dare. Stuff I initiate, but am unable to follow through. Amidst all of this, of what use are accolades lauded on me. Of course its better to get them than not, but sometimes, I wonder what the heck I am doing and how the heck it ended up like that.

Not to say I am not putting in any effort. Keep winding down all of a sudden nowadays. Haha. Sleep at airport BK. Just now was sleeping at clubhouse. And of course as usual sleep in lectures. However little stuff I take on now doesn't seem to make much of a difference. Ok lah, actually, I know what the damn problem is. I know I need to focus, but I am not ready to do it. Can I just throw my studies away? Can I ignore everything else for the sake of improving my chess? Can I do anything less than to commit 100% to my business should I choose to start 1? Am I not duty-bound to finish all the work yet left undone? Can I ignore any of my CCAs now? And can I not work on SIFE, when I believe so much in it? When I want to let others have the opportunity? Most importantly, can I resist the temptation to do it all at one go?

One of the greatest dilemmas I've faced is exactly this... To have learnt, yet be unable to apply because I am unwilling to apply... This makes for a very stupid Josh, but I'm stubborn. Oh well. The debate of how smart or how stupid I am is certainly interesting enough. I cant decide for myself even. here's the stupid question... What good is what I've learnt if I dun put it into action?.... VS What good is what I've learnt if I dun put it ALL into action.... but can I? The more I learn, the more stupid I become? Dumbass. Lol. And I cant stop myself from continuing to read and learn, can I? Is it smarter to just take 1 system and follow it all the way through.. or is it better to take what I believe to be the best out of several systems in an attempt to form an optimised 1?

Who can help answer my questions? Hahaha.... Blessed be those that hardly have to question themselves...

Remembering what life is.....
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